[моё] The Day Before Yesterday

1. my thought: hooray, I woke up

I meant that since the previous day I had been feeling weakness in my heart, and it showed up by evening. I was happy that it hadn’t stopped overnight 😅. I woke up at 1 a.m.; I was listening to slowed-down music to calm my heart, because the problem hadn’t been resolved overnight, and also so I wouldn’t hear any potential explosions (there was an air raid alert), and so I was listening to music at 2 a.m. And I hear vibrations under the bed, got scared, but immediately realized it was my Kuzya. Yes, that’s exactly what it was. After that he had energy bursting out of him all day, which added gray hairs to my head, and I drank valerian, but not often. Also, sometimes I get something like hallucinations, where a shadow grabs me. They aren’t scary, and they last less than a second. Today I had one like that too, at night. I wasn’t scared. Then I fell asleep, later woke up, and was relatively on edge. But I kept calming myself down — I was paranoid that my cat was making too much noise and that I’d face aggression from the neighbors. Kuzya could see that something was wrong with me, and pressed his butt against my left hand (yes, there is healing logic in that). And closer to evening — confusion, weakness in my left hand, in short. And I was already doubting whether to call an ambulance. I decided to call one; the Gemini neural network finally convinced me. I called, and right in the ambulance they examined me — nothing serious, just mild tachycardia. I’m taking pills, and they dull my emotions. I didn’t tell my parents so they wouldn’t force me to go to my toxic mother. And if I do have to tell them, I’ll say it with the sauce of “it’s my mother’s fault” (because it is), lately I’ve often been processing emotions in an ecological way. It’s just that some of them were intense, the methods didn’t help, and I’m a living person, so I can’t work through every single thought absolutely 😅, but I think some of the blame is mine too, because I started therapy late and all that. 

The nurse was kind and friendly, asked about my life, and allowed me to go for a walk after the examination. The walk was amazing, I drank a lot of tasty drinks (without alcohol or caffeine 😅). Of course, I know myself that I need to hold off on coffee and sports 🥶; instead, I should walk a lot and drink lemonades

It is scary that you were not prescribed something for regular use, in terms of calming. 

And are the hallucinations only visual or also tactile? (Just curious what it's like)