Just a post full of emotions

Sorry in advance, please, I just really want to share this with someone. Maybe this will seem unimportant to you, or maybe you’ll think I’m hysterical, or something else — everyone has their own attitude toward this. I’ve always been a very, very emotional child, and for the past couple of years, an emotional teenager too. I remember that once, when I was either 4 or 5, my mom and I were walking through the village where our dacha is, and a girl about 16–20 came up to us. She asked how to get to the bus stop. We decided to walk her there. So, while we were walking, she was chatting so nicely with both me and my mom that when she left on that bus, I cried. And, mind you, we had known her for only about 20 minutes. Or around the age of 8, I cried just as hard because the girl I had gone for walks with at the dacha twice moved to Russia and would never come back. Around the same age, I cried for half a day because I found a very beautiful big grasshopper, went to show it to the boy next door, and he crushed it. Well, anyway, you get the idea. By the way, I very rarely cry from physical pain; usually pain just makes me see, on some kind of ultrasound, that somewhere within who-knows-how-large a radius, even a person with poor hearing would hear me. But again, I only see it like that with very severe pain. Like fractures, severe burns, wounds down to the bone, and so on. Although no, sometimes I do cry from pain after all. If my eye or the area around it hurts. But I can’t control that anyway, it just happens on its own. So, getting to the point. I have a lot of friends. Very many. In our city alone there are more than 50, and if you count friends from other cities and pen pals, maybe even 200. However, I don’t have that many best friends. Maybe 7 or 8 people. I’m always in touch with them, I invite them to most of my celebrations, and I’m ready to drop everything and go hang out with them at any second. They are the same way. One of those friends of mine is my classmate. And in general, that was very convenient. If I had any stupid questions or schizophrenic ideas at school, I could go up to her at any moment and tell her. But there were quite a few drawbacks in this friendship. For example, she often criticized my clothing style. I dress in a style somewhat resembling indie kid. Bright clothes, usually with prints, bright, sometimes childish accessories, and so on. She also often criticized my hair because it was blue. She herself was kind of goth. But that was still manageable. I’m a pretty open and straightforward person myself, and I like open and straightforward people. Together we covered the whole city, went into every yard, climbed every tree, explored the nearby villages, and once we even tried to set up a cat shelter in her dad’s garage. (By the way, her dad didn’t know about this and was in complete shock when he came there and found our unfinished “houses” made of boxes and broken basins and “bedding” made of rags we found in the trash. And another time we tried to start our own scrap paper collection business. We wanted to collect it from people and turn it in for money at real collection points. We also wanted to set up this business in her dad’s garage, but he drove us out when he arrived right in the middle of our preparations. Well, a lot of interesting things happened, in general. Another downside of our friendship was that she often asked why I just didn’t pop my pimples. I have acne on my chin. I explained it to her, but she didn’t understand. And by the way, the skin on my face is very, very sensitive, so even squeezing ordinary pimples hurts. It often happened that we agreed to go for a walk, I would arrive at the meeting place, and she wouldn’t. I could wait for her there for up to two hours, and she still wouldn’t come. She wouldn’t answer calls or messages in Viber either (that’s where we mostly text). Yes, usually it turned out that she had written me a message like “I can’t make it,” but she would send it from the most unusual places. Okay, it was one thing when it was in Telegram — I at least check that a couple of times a day — but she could also write to me in Odnoklassniki, Instagram, or even Like, which I haven’t opened in years. Most often, after that I would go for a walk alone or find some random friend for a couple of hours at a playground, and then I would see that she was walking with some other girl. She also very often tried to persuade or even force me to wear makeup. Even though I absolutely don’t want to, and I told her that many times. She also shipped me with my main enemy and the most disgusting boy in the class. So much so that this ship became so popular that literally the whole older wing of the school started shipping us. That was really hurtful, I often cried because of it. And for some reason that boy came to hate me specifically, not that girl, which made him just start bullying me and not let me live in peace. Also, not long ago I found out that it was she who sent a rather intimate chat between my good acquaintance and her boyfriend to the school gossip chat, because of which that acquaintance of mine also started being bullied. I didn’t know for over a year who had done it, because the sender was anonymous, and about a week ago she confessed herself. And she confessed while laughing, like, “haha, apparently a year ago I was a little unpleasant,” instead of “damn, I behaved horribly back then.” There were also tons of other little unpleasant things. Like when she came over to my place this January and asked to eat a couple of candies from my New Year’s gift. There were still about 20 pieces left, and I said something like, “yes, you can take 2 or 3.” We were about to go out for a walk, so I went to the bathroom to change. I come back to my room, and she had eaten all the candies. Just so you understand, in our family there’s a rule that New Year’s sweet gifts last until the end of winter. Parents don’t buy sweets until March. What upset me the most, though, was this kind of nonsense, when we would agree to go for a walk and then she would go hang out with other kids. Like if you already made plans with them, you can just say so instead of ignoring me. But I chalked that up to awkwardness. I’m not a saint either and sometimes make up all sorts of excuses. But my excuses are more like “no, I’m not going for a walk, I have a headache,” instead of “no, I’m not going for a walk, I’m going to sleep.” The meaning doesn’t really change. I’m not going for a walk. And I do say something at least, and always by phone/in Viber, where all our main communication happens, instead of ignoring and not writing in some random place she most likely won’t even check. Also, for some reason it often annoyed her that I rarely shouted or behaved aggressively in public, and she often deliberately tried to make me angry. And I don’t know, maybe today was just the final straw, but look:

Well, it’s good that it’s happening now, not when you’re already 30. I had the same thing with a friend from elementary school. There was a lot of unpleasant stuff too, including criticism of me and my family, and then just one last straw and into the blocked list forever. Later I found other friends, and we also stopped talking for different reasons, but I don’t say the reason, I just block the person. Because of course they will defend themselves and think they are right, and that you’re the stupid one. And they’ll reply with something like “ok!” and a laughing emoji. To hell with those kinds of people. There will be hundreds, maybe thousands of people in your life. The main thing is to keep the very best ones close, not everyone in a row. Don’t be too upset, Varya🤗❤️ Everything will be fine for you because you’re a good person)

When you're rejected, it's always painful. The stronger the attachment to a person, the more painful it is. But if you get hurt constantly, it's better to distance yourself. You already know within yourself that you get very attached, and that's good. And you know how painful it is to part. This is a plus to your experience bank. Over time you'll become a bit tougher, I think. But your emotionality is not a drawback at all. It's your virtue. You'll find your pack again. 

It’s good that you shared it, no need to keep it inside. Well, I can say that you’re an excellent friend, and she talked to you out of boredom; she couldn’t care less what you feel, etc. And in the end, you saw it yourself.